New Kid on the Aisle

For seven glorious months I have had no next-door cube neighbor. The absence of a co-worker sitting next to me has been blissful. I can talk loudly on the phone, not share my gum with others, and throughout the course of the day talk out loud to myself without others judging me.

My loony behavior however has come to an end with the arrival of the New Kid. I had been informed last week by HR (who is by the way only one man who also serves as our legal counsel) that the New Kid would be occupying the cubicle next to mine and all the stuff that I had been stowing there had to be moved. Quick explanation, since my last next-door neighbor had moved out I have been using New Kid's desk as my second desk. I just have a lot of stuff - marketing materials take up a lot of space! And I just recently had my closet taken away for me because it is now fall and people need a place to put their coats. Coats schmoats.

Anyway, I agreed to let the New Kid move in if he was A) attractive and B) single, to which HR/Legal Guy responded with a snort and said, "Move your stuff." I begrudgingly moved my things (which means I now live underneath a mountain of paper and cardboard boxes), and the New Kid moved in on Monday.

I hate to say it, but I already loathe him and it's only been three days. But the guy is just trying way too hard and he doesn't stop talking. I know it's a new job for him and he's just trying to fit in, but the guy is going overboard. He has tried to get in on inside jokes already with me and other co-workers, invited himself into the work football pool, and told me about his entire high school, college and work histories.

New Kid also had to ask how to open Outlook. And I showed him. I have now become his go-to person. You know, the person he asks every. single. question. How do I file a question for tech? Where can I find a stapler? How can I order these pens I really like? How do I open Excel on this computer? It is a tiny bit draining.

I am completely sympathetic for him. New job, new people. He's just trying to fit in. I get it. But when I started this job, I didn't have friends until at least month three. It takes time to get to know a person. So don't talk me to death. I like things to happen naturally. No pressure, no forcing friendships. Here's to hoping this New Kid on my aisle stops trying so hard and stops talking so much.

What I wouldn't give for that cubicle back.