An Ode to the Giant Golf Umbrella

Last week it rained cats and dogs in Chicago. (Btw, I've always wondered where that saying came from...imagine cats and dogs falling out the sky...weird.)

Anyway, since it was raining like a mofo, everyone had out their trusty rain shields. I myself had to purchase a $7 umbrella from CVS. I even passed over the $5 umbrellas thinking, "Splurge - I bet those $2 will make a difference and this umbrella will last you a lifetime." Apparently I was delusional. The thing is already broken and to make it work I have to hold it with two hands otherwise I get sprayed with gusts of wind and water.

But that is not the point of the story. The point of this post is my ode to the giant golf umbrella. Oh, how I loathe that giant umbrella that everyone and their mother seems to have. I see their appeal - they provide maximum coverage so you will never get wet (ever) and they also serve as a weapon for when commuting.

Here is what irks me. It's a GOLF umbrella fellow commuters. That thing is meant for golf so that when you're golfing you can golf without getting your clubs wet or your awesome golf outfit wet. It is not meant for commuting to and from the train station.

Last week, I'm pretty sure I almost got my eye poked out twice by those huge golf umbrellas because for some reason when a person wields one of these weapons on the street, they think they have a small, dinky umbrella from CVS when in fact they have an umbrella that could take out two large men just by being swung in their general direction.

If there is one thing I am passionate about, it is banning golf umbrellas from the city. The street is not big enough for all of us. I think we must all be forced to carry around a dinky umbrella from CVS. Or be imprisoned.

But hey that's just me.