A Whole Lotta Heartbreak

Last week, it was officially announced that my boss (aka the best boss ever) would be leaving our company. And I have probably been more heartbroken than I should about it.

It's hard to describe why my boss leaving is so heartbreaking. And try as I might, explaining it to my friends and family always leaves me coming up short. My explanations are never on point, or do the situation justice. And I think unfortunately this is something only my co-workers can fully understand.

But I'm going to try and explain to the best of my abilities.

The news came really suddenly. I had no inkling or women's intution that this news was about to hit the airwaves (or in this case I guess hit the fan). And my boss told me first so that I wouldn't hear it from someone else, which was really considerate but also horrifically painful. Now, I'm pretty good at keeping secrets, but when it affects me in some way (aka my job description changing drastically) then it's hard for me to keep it in. And that's what I had to do for 5 days while my boss and the rest of the higher-up's were away on a management retreat.

So I sat here and got more and more depressed because while I had been told my job wasn't in jeopardy, I still felt weary about the whole thing. Not to mention this is the best boss I have had ever. In the existence of bosses, I don't think anyone could do much better than the one I have now. He is fair, kind, hard to make angry, self-sufficient, and treated me with a lot of respect.

So last week was a pity party. And the party was for 1.

Eventually my new boss sat me down and we had a heart-to-heart about she wants me to grow in the company. She also let me know that she has no use for an assistant, so really my new job description will be of the make-it-up-as-we-go variety. (I will still get to do events, but my special projects will all be different).

So this convo lifted my spirits for about a minute and then I went back to depresso mode. All my friends and family tried to make me see the light. "This will be good for you" and "there's a silver lining in this change". I would get to move up in the company, not handle calendars and schedules. I would pretty much get betting a better job by default. And yet this didn't make me feel better.

When the news was officially announced to the rest of the company, everyone came over to give me their condolences like he had died and wasn't just moving on to a better job in the suburbs. Which made me depressed all over again. But at least now I had people to comiserate with. His old assistants (who still work at the company but have been promoted) came over crying. See! That's how great he is!

I think a part of me is just really depressed because he was such a great boss, but I know I'm also sad/depressed because I've never been left behind. I always did the leaving. At my last company, I left them. At internships there was always a time limit. And I don't like being left behind.

A part of me really wishes he had asked me to go with him to his new company, but I know I should be happy about the changes and advancements that I'll be able to make under my new boss. This just wasn't in the plan (aka how I thought this job would pan out for me).

I've always been really great about handling change, but this has been extremely hard for me to stomach.

Tonight is his going away party (that I planned of course!) and it's going to be a lot of fun - people are even flying in for it from other offices around the country. And right now instead of being depressed, I'm going to try and be happy for all the changes and to celebrate having a really superb boss (even if it was just for eight months).